Plenty of Food, Not Many Calories

The attempt to increase my daily calorie intake didn't go so well yesterday...I missed my afternoon snack, which didn't help, but even with that I'd have been quite a bit short. I'm also not meeting (or even getting close to) my 12-15 daily grams of veggies. I'm afraid that I'm going to have to start planning my meals ahead of time in order to meet all these numbers, which is completely unappealing.

Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 3 pieces bacon - 1.55g
Lunch: Salad - 8.49g
Snack: None
Dinner: 6 oz ham steak, 1/2 cup frozen peas - 12.87g
Dessert: None
Calories: 881
Veggies: 9.87g
Total: 22.91g

Anyway, not a whole lot to talk about today. Perhaps tomorrow!

Crunch

I managed to do something weird to my left ankle and foot while I was sleeping Monday night. It feels kinda like a joint that needs to pop but won't...beats me, but it hurts and goes crunch when I move it. Don't worry, I'm still doing my walks, just wincing a bit while I'm doing them. Yesterday's meals:

Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 3 pieces bacon - 1.55g
Lunch: Salad - 8.49g
Snack: 1 stalk celery, 2 tbsp peanut butter - 4.7g
Dinner: Chicken with Red Wine Sauce, 2/3 cup frozen green beans - 9.97g
Dessert: None
Calories: 1237
Veggies: 8.02g
Total: 24.71g

As you can see, I've switched out sodium tracking for calorie tracking. Sodium doesn't really seem to be an issue, and I think calories are. It seems very strange to be trying to increase my calorie intake when I'm trying to lose weight, but since it's the only reason anyone seems to be able to come up with as to why I'm having so much trouble, we'll go with it. I wish I had the insurance or the money to consult with a nutritionist. The frustration level here is so high I'd even leave the house to talk to somebody about it!

Calories?

So my walking yesterday was interesting. I increased the time to 11 minutes, and the morning session went fairly smoothly. The afternoon session, however, was rough. I did it, but I felt like I was dragging a 10-ton weight around behind me. I really wish I could figure out what's causing this tremendous afternoon fatigue and general ickiness over the last week or two. I do reasonably well (for me) in the mornings, but by 2 or so in the afternoon, I'm out of energy, aching, and pretty much done for the day. Very strange, particularly since I'm normally an afternoon/night person. Anyway, yesterday's meals...

Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 3 pieces bacon - 1.55g
Lunch: Low-carb wrap "sandwich" - 8.75g
Snack: None
Dinner: Creamed Chicken w/Mushrooms, 1 1/3 cup frozen green beans - 11.39g
Dessert: None
Sodium: 2679mg
Veggies: 8.48g
Total: 21.69g

I know I've mentioned this before, but one factor that's been on the radar as a possible reason for my plateau and slow weight loss is the possibility that I'm actually not eating enough calories and as a result putting my metabolism into starvation mode. I think it's probably a factor, but I'm really not sure how to solve it. Increasing my carbs to 25g daily helped a little bit, but I'm very leery of increasing them any higher than that. My daily calorie intake averages 1100-1200, and although every calculator I've used comes up with a different number, they all agree that I should be eating more.

Eat more, lose more. I like this concept. The problem is that I'm full. I don't want to eat any more! As I type this, it's two minutes to lunchtime, and I'm still full from breakfast. That happens every single day. Some of you have mentioned that I'm not eating my snacks and dessert, and that means that I'm not sticking to my "every three hours" schedule. That's why. Eating when I'm not actually hungry is part of what got me to 400 lbs in the first place, so I don't think it's a good idea to do it now. I need to somehow come up with ways to add calories without adding either carbs or volume to my meals. I could easily add more meat for calories with little or no effect on carbs, but that would increase the volume I'm eating. I actually tried that a while back, I just cut up an extra chicken breast and added it to dinner. I couldn't finish. Thoughts and ideas would be welcome!

Finally, A Small Loss

Well, it's another Monday, and that means another weigh-in day. After three weeks at the same weight, finally a small loss of 2 lbs. It's not much, but it's certainly better than nothing at all. It's a good thing that I did lose at least a little, though, because if I hadn't, I was about ready to quit this program. The frustration level of working so hard and getting no results has been very, very high. My meals for the last few days...

Friday
Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 3 pieces bacon - 1.55g
Lunch: Hard-boiled egg, string cheese, 1 piece bacon - 1.19g
Snack: None
Dinner: Chicken with Red Wine Sauce, 1 cup frozen peas - 20.71g
Dessert: Sugar-free Jello, whipped cream - .8g
Sodium: 2211mg
Veggies: 13.74g
Total: 24.25g

Saturday
Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 3 pieces bacon - 1.55g
Lunch: Low-carb wrap "sandwich" - 8.75g
Snack: None
Dinner: Chicken with Red Wine Sauce, 1 1/3 cup frozen green beans - 12.97g
Dessert: None
Sodium: 3445mg
Veggies: 6g
Total: 23.27g

Sunday
Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 3 pieces bacon - 1.55g
Lunch: Low-carb wrap "sandwich" - 8.75g
Snack: None
Dinner: 3 eggs, scrambled, 2 oz cheese, 5 pieces bacon - 5.12g
Dessert: Sugar-free Jello, whipped cream - .8g
Sodium: 3749mg
Veggies: 0g (oops)
Total: 15.42g

I've increased my walks to 11 minutes this week, which should be interesting. Last week my fatigue level was very, very high. It was actually higher than it's been since I started this program, and I have no idea why. I'll let you know tomorrow how it goes.

Another Day Down

Once again, not a whole lot to talk about. Met my carbs and got my exercise the last two days, and getting back to my projects around the house. This has turned out to be one of those unpleasant times when we ran out of both food and money before we ran out of pay period, but today is payday finally. Hooray! The last couple days' intake...

Wednesday
Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 3 pieces bacon - 1.55g
Lunch: Low-carp wrap "sandwich" - 8.75g
Snack: None
Dinner: 6 oz ham steak, 1/2 cup frozen peas - 12.87g
Dessert: None
Sodium: 3608mg
Veggies: 6.87g
Total: 23.17g

Thursday
Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 3 pieces bacon - 1.55g
Lunch: None
Snack: Hard-boiled egg - .56g
Dinner: 8 oz smoked sausage, 1 cup sauerkraut - 20g
Dessert: None
Sodium: 4499mg
Veggies: 8g
Total: 22.11g

Hopefully I'll have more to talk about tomorrow!

A Little Easier

Yesterday was a little easier than Monday...I did both walks, the morning one wasn't bad, but the afternoon was pretty difficult. I did it though! I don't really have much of anything to talk about today, so here's yesterday's intake.

Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 3 pieces bacon - 1.55g
Lunch: Low-carb wrap "sandwich" - 8.75g
Snack: None
Dinner: Chicken with Indian Spices, 1 1/3 cup frozen green beans - 13.86g
Dessert: None
Sodium: 2729mg
Veggies: 6g
Total: 24.16g

I'll try to think of something to talk about for tomorrow's post!

Back To It

Yesterday was my first attempt at getting back to it. I've still got pain from the diverticulitis, but it's improving, and if I'm ever going to lose any weight, I have to just push through it. I got back on a slightly more reasonable eating schedule, and I started trying to walk again. My morning walk was a lot closer to a crawl than a walk, and I didn't even attempt the afternoon session, but at least I did one of them. I'm keeping the time to 10 minutes for a second week since I only did three days last week and then skipped four. It's astonishing how much conditioning I lost in just four days, I don't remember it being like that when I was younger and thinner and working out hard on a regular basis. Anyway, it's a start. On to yesterday's meals...

Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 8 oz sausage - 1.55g
Lunch: Low-carb wrap "sandwich" - 8.75g
Snack: Hard-boiled egg - .56g
Dinner: Bacon, mushroom, and cheese omelette - 7.37g
Dessert: None
Sodium: 5095 mg!
Veggies: 2.62g
Total: 22.02g

We're in a new month now, so it's time to evaluate last month's short-term goal and set a new one...obviously I didn't meet October's goal of exercising twice a day, every day. If it had been only while the diverticulitis was so bad, I might consider it met anyway, but I'd already messed it up before that. I'm going to go ahead and use the same goal for this month, excluding yesterday as being my first recovery day back from the infection. Exercise twice a day, every day for November, and maybe I'll finally get my new tattoo!

Zero. Again.

So. Today is weigh-in day and I lost nothing again. I've also obviously reneged on my promise to write every day. The reason behind these two items is that I spent Thursday through Sunday mostly on the couch trying unsuccessfully to find a position that didn't cause me a great deal of abdominal pain. I went to the doctor on Friday and was informed that I have diverticulitis and put on two different strong antibiotics and a liquid diet for two days. I was also told that if it got any worse, I was to head directly for the Emergency Room. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200. Ouch.

Anyway, I'm not going to bother to put up my intake since it mostly involved water, tea, diet cranberry juice, and beef broth. I'm still hurting today, but it's not nearly as bad, and I'm eating real food again.

I'm having a hard time right now with my program. I feel like giving up, I feel like a failure, because I really screwed up these last four days, and because I just haven't lost what I should have by now. My carbs have been all over the place - 23.55 Thursday, 5.55 Friday, 4.0 Saturday, and 26.68 Sunday. I didn't exercise at all after Wednesday. And I've only lost 17 lbs. Only 4% of my original weight in eight weeks. I've been the same weight for three weeks now. I'm going to do my best to stick with it this week, but I dunno, guys...

Motivation, or the Lack Thereof

So I'm thinking about motivation and progress today. I've made the 10-minute mark on my twice-daily walks, I'm rather proud of that. It's obviously still short of what most would consider an "actual" workout, but it's double what I started with! There's no way I'd have been able to walk briskly (well, briskly for me) for 10 minutes without stopping before I started this.

Unfortunately, being able to exercise longer doesn't really help with anything other than, well, exercising longer. There's not much effect on my life in general, which doesn't help much with my motivation. Having lost exactly nothing last week, my motivation is a bit low this week. I'm not quitting or anything, but it's harder to make myself go out and exercise and so on. I will be very, very happy when I can start seeing some positive effects in my daily life from this program. I don't really care what they are, as long as they're noticeable! Obviously, the end goals and motivations are summed up in the list of reasons I've got posted to the right of the page, but I'm a long, long way from achieving those.

Anyway, yesterday's intake...

Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 3 pieces bacon - 1.55g
Lunch: Salad - 8.49g
Snack: 1 oz almonds - 2g
Dinner: Chicken with Red Wine Sauce, 1 cup frozen green beans - 11.47g
Dessert: Sugar-free Jell-O, 2 tbsp whipped cream - .8g
Sodium: 2713mg
Veggies: 9.18g
Total: 24.31g

Anticipating that I was going to make 375 yesterday, I had Chad take a set of "progress" pictures of me. I never did get a set of "before" pics done, so I guess those will have to stand in. I'm going to try to do pics at every 25 lb increment so that I'll be able to see if there are visible changes. When I was on Atkins the first time several years ago, I lost over 60 lbs, and although other people could see a difference in me, I never could. I know I was smaller. Some of my clothes were too big, I was able to buy smaller sizes in the store...but I couldn't see it. It's amazing how demotivational the inability to actually see that change is. I'm hoping that the pictures will help me with that. Once I've got a few sets of pics done, I'll post them on the blog so you guys can see. Well, assuming that the weight loss starts up again, I will.

A Big, Fat Zero

Hey everybody...yes, I know, I've been slacking on my posts badly this past week. My only excuse is how incredibly yucky I've been feeling with my medication withdrawal. It's been a little over a week now since I took my last dose of Effexor, and although I'm still having some background dizziness all the time and intermittent spells of worse dizziness, I'm doing much better than I was last Monday.

Anyway, today is Monday, and that means weigh-in day. As you've probably guessed from the title of this post, the result on the scale was a big, fat zero. So very, very frustrating! I stuck to my program like glue and did my walking twice a day every day except Thursday (I missed Thursday afternoon). Because I've got a week of meals to catch up on for the blog, I'm going to post just the carb totals today. I'm making a goal for this week to post every day, so tomorrow I'll be back to normal meal postings.

Tuesday - 23.80g
Wednesday - 23.43g
Thursday - 24.31g
Friday - 24.91g
Saturday - 24.40g
Sunday - 18.47g

So the results for the first two weeks of increasing to 25 grams per day are mixed. Last week, I lost 3 lbs, this week I lost nothing. I'm going to give the increased carbs one more week to stabilize, but if I don't lose next week, I guess it will be back to Induction for me. I really hope I do lose some. Well, I always hope I lose some, but it's been very nice to have those extra 5 carbs available, because it really increases my flexibility in food choices. Extra carbs or not, I'm really pretty surprised not to have lost any weight this week. In addition to my scheduled exercise, I've done my arm workout with my little 5-lb hand weight nearly every day.

I've also incorporated a lot more general movement into my day over the past week. Based on the article I linked the other day regarding spending most of your time sitting down being detrimental even with exercise as part of your life, I decided to start using a technique that's worked for me in the past to help get things done. I set my kitchen timer for 5 minutes, and work on whatever project or household chore needs to be done until the timer goes off. Then I set the timer for 10 minutes and rest/read/get on the computer/generally sit down until it starts beeping again, at which point I set it for 5 minutes and start the cycle over again. It's amazingly productive without making me feel overwhelmed or exhausted. I moved a lot more and got a lot of things done last week that I've been meaning to do for a long time...and I still didn't lose any weight. Frustrating!

Anyway, the timer's going to go off for my next 5-minute work session...I promise to post again tomorrow!

Another Dizzy Day

Well, yesterday was another nasty, dizzy day of withdrawal from Effexor. I forced myself to stick to the eating and exercise schedule, but it definitely wasn't easy. The food turned out a little odd...I was right on track with my carbs, but my calorie total was only 703. At least I was eating, though!

Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled - 1.55g
Lunch: Tomato, cheese stick - 5.02g
Snack: 1 oz almonds - 2g
Dinner: 6 oz ham steak, 3/4 cup frozen peas
Dessert: None
Sodium: 2156mg
Veggies: 14.53g
Total: 24.88g

Anyway, not much to talk about today, short post!

Weigh-In Day and the Weekend From Hell

Hey all, sorry I've been slacking on my posts this weekend. I'm not sure if I've mentioned it on the blog yet, but I've decided to get off my antidepressants. I've got several reasons for this decision. A couple of the lesser contributing factors are that some of the research I've done has indicated that this particular medication can contribute to weight gain, and that I'm really trying to reduce the number of chemicals I'm ingesting. The reason that really triggered it, though, is that I have a friend who has been on the same medication that I've been taking, which is Effexor. She's being switched to a different combination of meds, and the withdrawals she's been going through have been horrible. She's been on it considerably longer than I have, and I want to get off of it now, before my system becomes that dependent on it. I've been on one antidepressant or another for the last six years, but this one seems to be by far the worst as far as dependency and withdrawal.

Anyway, I began tapering down off of it last week, and I took my last half-pill on Saturday. And thus began the weekend from hell, which seems to have not noticed that it should be over, since it's now Monday and I still feel awful. Saturday I got to enjoy a screaming headache most of the day in addition to the dizziness, nausea, irritability, exhaustion, and inability to think that I've had all weekend and still have. Anything that makes you feel like this when you stop taking it isn't something I think I want to be putting into my body in the first place.

Feeling the way I have been for the last couple of days hasn't led to a great eating or exercise schedule either. I haven't gone over on my carbs or anything, but it's been a little weird. I missed my afternoon walk on Saturday, which means I've missed my goal for October as well. Anyway, meals for the weekend...

Friday
Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 3 pieces bacon - 1.55g
Lunch: Salad - 8.42g
Snack: 1 oz almonds - 2g
Dinner: Chicken with Red Wine Sauce, 1 1/3 cups frozen green beans - 12.97g
Dessert: None
Sodium: 2478mg
Veggies: 9g
Total: 24.94g

Saturday
Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 3 pieces bacon - 1.55g
Lunch: None
Snack: None
Dinner: 8 oz sausage, 1 cup sauerkraut - 20g
Dessert: None
Sodium: 4437mg
Veggies: 8g
Total: 21.55g

Sunday
Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 3 pieces bacon - 1.55g
Lunch: None
Snack: None
Dinner: 8 oz sausage, 1 cup sauerkraut - 20g
Dessert: None
Sodium: 4437mg
Veggies: 8g
Total: 21.55g

So although I haven't gone over my 25g daily, I also haven't exactly been sticking to schedule or eating healthily. Frankly, I'm just proud that I've eaten something and that I haven't fallen off my program. This morning's weigh-in showed a 3 lb. loss, so although the 5 carb increase I've been on this week hasn't resulted in more loss, it hasn't really resulted in less either. I'm a little disappointed that going off my meds doesn't seem to have resulted in additional loss, though.

An Odd Food Day

Yesterday was rather an odd food day. I didn't go over on my carbs, and I ate my meals on time, but they were...odd. Well, breakfast was normal, but...

Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 3 pieces bacon - 1.55g
Lunch: 1/2 avocado - 1.57g
Snack: Tomato, cheese stick - 5.02g
Dinner: 8 oz smoked sausage, 1/2 cup sauerkraut - 16g
Dessert: Hard-boiled egg - .56g
Sodium: 3654mg (wow!)
Veggies: 9.79g
Total: 24.7g

I've always liked avocados, and they're great on carbs and good for you, so I bought a couple to eat. Apparently I only like avocados when they're included in other foods or transformed into guacamole. It took me the better part of an hour to eat half a sliced avocado, and by the time I was done, other food sounded utterly unappealing. I buffed up my snack to make up for my lack of a reasonable lunch, so that worked out ok, but then it was time for dinner. Sauerkraut and sausage...mmmm. Unfortunately, Hillshire Farms Smoked Sausage turns out to have 1.5 carbs per ounce. Yikes! I definitely need to do some research into lower-carb sausage. Anyway, as a result of the carbishness of the sausage, dinner was a bit small. But hey, I didn't go over, and I ate on schedule, so it's not all bad!

25 Carbs

So far, the 25 carbs a day plan has been very, very nice...at least as far as letting me stretch a bit inside the confines of my program. We'll see on Monday how it goes on the scale. The freedom and flexibility to have just one extra tablespoon of dressing on my salad, an extra hard-boiled egg when I'm a little hungry, or a stir-fry with a variety of veggies for dinner is really, really nice. The funny part is that I didn't make it to my full 25g either day! My caloric intake has jumped up a bit, which was one of the goals. I was around 1500 calories each day, which still isn't up to recommendations, but it's closer than it was!

Tuesday
Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 3 pieces bacon - 1.55g
Lunch: Salad - 6.99g
Snack: 1 oz almonds - 2g
Dinner: Beef and veggie stir-fry - 10.67g
Dessert: Hard-boiled egg - .56g
Sodium: 3712mg
Veggies: 12.68g
Total: 21.77g

Wednesday
Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 3 pieces bacon - 1.55g
Lunch: Salad - 8.49g
Snack: 1 oz almonds - 2g
Dinner: Creamed chicken w/mushrooms, 1 1/3 cup frozen green beans - 11.39g
Dessert: None
Sodium: 1828mg
Veggies: 11.48g
Total: 23.43g

I want to touch on an interesting point that Barry brought up in the same message that triggered my rethinking about moving into Phase 2. He had read a news article that suggested that long periods of sitting, even with a period of exercise at some point during the day, can cause weight gain, organ problems, and other issues. While I wasn't able to find the exact article that he referenced, I did find one with a similar message here. I'm going to start trying to move around a little every half an hour or hour. It's certainly not going to hurt me any, and it just might help!

Ch-ch-ch-Changes

So yesterday was a rather frustrating day. Well, yesterday evening, mostly. I mentioned in my last post that I'm trying to include more fresh veggies in my program, both because it's recommended by Atkins to have 12-15g of vegetable carbs daily and because veggies are, well...good for you. I had a salad for lunch, a tomato for my snack, and ended up with 7.24g left to try to squeeze dinner in. Considering that the dinner recipes - from the Atkins cookbooks! - that I've been cooking have 6-10g each before I even add a vegetable on the side, that made finding something I could eat last night a tad difficult. I ended up with another salad. Now, I like salads, I really do...but a small salad for two meals in a row was just a bit unsatisfying, and I still didn't even make 12g of veggies!

Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 3 pieces bacon - 1.55g
Lunch: Salad - 6.99g
Snack: Tomato - 4.22g
Dinner: Salad - 6.92g
Dessert: None
Sodium: 1957mg
Veggies: 10.22g
Total: 19.68g

So what's the solution to this problem? The first thing that occurred to me was that perhaps I was piling too many things onto my salads. When I looked at the breakdown, however, 3g of the 7g in my salad was the lettuce itself, and 3g was the 2 tbsp. of salad dressing. The dressing carbs could be reduced to 2g if I used a different variety, and I sometimes do that, but the single carb gram freed up that way doesn't really help a whole lot.

As I was glaring in frustration at my carb tracker, I got a very timely email from Barry, who's given me a number of excellent suggestions already - thanks, Barry! He asked at what point I'll be able to add more carbs into my diet. My immediate mental response to that question was, "I won't be able to at all! When I was on Atkins before, I immediately stopped losing when I went off Phase 1!" However, as I really started considering the question, a couple of things occurred to me.

Firstly, I've had several people suggest that perhaps my weight loss is being slowed down by my not eating enough calories and sending my metabolism into starvation-mode. Although Atkins is not a calorie-based program, Fatsecret automatically tracks my calories consumed, and I'm averaging 900-1200 calories per day. Based on my weight, activity level, and so on, my recommended daily intake for weight loss is actually about double that. I haven't worried about it much since I'm eating every three hours and I'm rarely hungry unless I miss a meal or eat it late, but maybe I should actually be eating more. Interesting concept on a diet...

Secondly, when I was on Atkins before, my starting weight was about a hundred pounds less than my current weight. That's got to have an effect on my program, my weight loss, and everything else. It's entirely possible that I could move into Phase 2, in which I can add a few more carbs, without negative effects...it's also entirely possible that moving into Phase 2 could have positive effects if the starvation-mode speculation is correct, in fact. Anyway, the upshot of all this is that starting today, I'm going to move into Phase 2 and increase my daily carb limit to 25g. After all, if it doesn't work, there's no law that says I can't go right back to Phase 1 next week!

It's Weigh-In Day Again

Yes, I know, I've been very bad about my blog this weekend. Sorry all, my bad. I did stick to the program and my exercise routine the last few days, and even started working with the hand weight again. It's Monday again, and that means time to weigh in...and it's another 4 pounds this week. What is it with 4 pounds? Anyway, that makes a grand total of 14 pounds in 5 weeks, so I'm averaging 3 pounds a week. I wish it would go faster, but at least it's a steady downward trend, excepting the week I inexplicably gained a pound. I'll be increasing my exercise time to 8 minutes twice a day this week, and I've now got a good stock of fresh salad greens, tomatoes, avacados, broccoli, zucchini, jicama, celery, pea pods, and carrots on hand.

Friday
Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 3 pieces bacon - 1.55g
Lunch: Salad - 5.99g
Snack: 1 oz almonds - 2g
Dinner: 6 oz ham, 1 cup frozen green beans - 10.5g
Dessert: None
Sodium: 2701mg
Veggies: 7.5g
Total: 20.04g

Saturday
Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 3 pieces bacon - 1.55g
Lunch: Salad - 5.99g
Snack: None
Dinner: Bacon, mushroom, and cheese omelette - 7.37g
Dessert: None
Sodium: 2663mg
Veggies: 5.62g
Total: 14.91g

Sunday
Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 3 pieces bacon - 1.55g
Lunch: 4 oz ham, cheese stick - 3.38g
Snack: 1 oz almonds - 2g
Dinner: Salad - 9.73g
Dessert: None
Sodium: 2878mg
Veggies: 5.81g
Total: 16.66g

I'm sure you've noticed that I've added sodium to the list of items I'm tracking, at least for the time being. Since it's been brought up and I did notice that I was fairly high on my sodium intake a number of days, I decided to keep an eye on it for a while. It's certainly not going to hurt me any to watch it!

My First Venture Out

Hey all, sorry I didn't post yesterday, but I was actually out of the house!

Have you recovered from your shock? Ok, good. On to the rest of the post. Wednesday was a fairly ordinary day, and my ankle was enough better that I was able to do both of my walks, though I was a bit slower than usual. Yesterday, my aunt and one of her friends came up to town, and we all went out shopping and to lunch. I was definitely nervous about spending so much time out of the house, concerned about my stamina, and worried about eating out for the first time since I started my program. All in all, though, I did great!

I was out for about four hours, and while I was exhausted and my knee and ankle were hurting by the time I got home, I recovered much more quickly than I would have a month ago. I guess all this walking is doing some good! We ended up going to a Thai restaurant for lunch. Thai is one of my favorite types of food, and I usually eat dishes with lots of noodles or rice. I was planning to find something like grilled chicken, but I ended up with "Laotian Cabbage Rolls"...which weren't actually rolls at all, but highly seasoned ground chicken with chopped green beans and cabbage triangles to scoop it up with. It was really, really good, and while I obviously wasn't able to get an exact carb count, I know it was low.

Wednesday
Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 3 pieces bacon - 1.55g
Lunch: Salad with egg, bacon, pepperoni, cheese, ranch - 5.99g
Snack: None
Dinner: 6 oz ham steak, 1 1/3 cups frozen green beans - 12g
Dessert: None
Total veggies: 7g
Total: 19.54g

Thursday
Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 3 pieces bacon - 1.55g
Lunch: Laotian Cabbage Rolls - unknown
Snack: 1 oz almonds - 2g
Dinner: Laotian Cabbage Rolls - unknown
Dessert: None
Total: Unknown

I've had a couple of suggestions that my intake seems to be high in sodium, so I've been looking into that over the last couple of days. My diet doesn't seem particularly salty to me, but I'm a bit of a salt fiend, so my opinion isn't necessarily reliable. The RDA of sodium is 2400mg, and it does seem that I've been well over that on a number of days. The main problem seems to be ham. On days when I have ham for lunch or dinner - or both - my salt number is through the roof. I've never really had much of a problem with water retention or high blood pressure, which I believe are the main issues with high salt consumption, but it's certainly not going to hurt me to keep an eye on my sodium intake and try to keep it under control.

Ouch

Wow, just realized I never did my blog post this morning. Sorry I'm so late today! Yesterday was...interesting. It started out perfectly normal, and then I went out to do my morning walk - and had my ankle twist out from under me, causing me to fall flat on the very pointy crushed rock. Yes, I'm basically ok. I ended up with a lot of bruises (of course), a slightly sprained right ankle, and a skinned-up left knee. (Why is it, I wonder, that it's always my right ankle and my left knee? Couldn't it switch around once in a while, for the sake of variety?) The worst part of the whole thing was that I couldn't get up afterward, and nobody was home to help me. I spent at least five very uncomfortable and frustrating minutes squirming around on the crushed rock trying to stand before I finally got Baron to help me. Perhaps I should add "get up after falling on my face" to my list of reasons to lose weight.

Anyway, I was unable to go out and walk in the afternoon because of the ankle, but I did exercise. I'm glad there was no one around to see me, because I'm sure I looked like I was insane, but I turned on the music and danced in my chair for the allotted seven minutes. Yesterday's consumption wasn't really much of an increase in vegetables, because Chad wasn't able to do a grocery trip. I think he's going to go tomorrow.

Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 3 pieces bacon - 1.55g
Lunch: 4 oz deli ham, cheese stick - 3.38g
Snack: 1 oz almonds - 2g
Dinner: 6 oz smoked sausage, 3/4 cup sauerkraut - 15g
Dessert: None
Total veggies: 6g
Total: 19.93g

As you can see, I'm adding a new line to the daily food list for total carbs from vegetables to help keep track of how I'm doing on increasing my veggies to get closer to the recommended 12-15g daily. Hopefully we'll start to see that number increasing over the next few days!

Some Small Changes

I spent a good chunk of time yesterday buried in the Atkins website, trying to find some information on why I'm having such minimal success on my weight loss this time around. While I've been following the program as it's laid out in the book I used last time, it seems they've made some changes to it in the last 6 or 7 years. I was successful on the old program, but I'm going to update my foods to conform a little better to their current recommendations and see where that takes me.

The main difference seems to be that they're now asking for 12-15g of carbs per day to come from what they call "foundation veggies"...list here. Unfortunately, I don't really like about 75% of the vegetables they have listed. All of my favorite veggies seem to be on the no-no lists. I'm also not sure how I'm going to manage to fit 12-15g of vegetables into a 20g per day program when a dinner entree (from the Atkins cookbooks!) is generally running 6-12g. I'm going to give it a try though, and even if I can't make the full 12-15g, I can certainly increase from my current amount. More fresh and frozen veggies also fits right into my goal of eating more natural foods. Hopefully Chad will be able to go to the store today and buy me some vegetables!

Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 3 pieces bacon - 1.55g
Lunch: 4 oz deli ham, cheese stick - 3.38g
Snack: 1 oz almonds - 2g
Dinner: Chicken with Red Wine Sauce, 1 cup frozen green beans - 11.47g
Dessert: None
Total: 18.4g

Thanks for yesterday's suggestions and comments! As far as increasing my exercise, it's a great idea, but believe me, I'm pushing it now. I'm exhausted and gasping when I'm done with my 7 minutes. I know it doesn't sound like much to most of you, but please remember I basically haven't left my house in about three years. On the few occasions I have left, it was to go sit at someone else's house. There have been periods of a month or more that I didn't even go into the yard. I get tired just standing up long enough to cook dinner!

Imagine yourself being that out of shape...then add a bodysuit with enough weight to make you total 387 lbs. For most of you, that's going to be doubling your weight at the very least, probably an extra 200 lbs or more. That weight is pressing down on your chest and your stomach, making it very difficult to simply breathe. It's forcing your spine into an awkward position. Your feet hurt, your knees aren't sure if they're going to hold you up or not. You can't take a normal stride because your stomach and thighs get in the way. Your upper arms are at a 30 degree angle from your body. Now go outside and go for a walk.

Those of you out there who, like me, are fighting your weight, please, please remember this image when you're tempted to go off your programs, when you don't want to exercise, when you think, "Oh, this one time won't hurt...or maybe two times..." Of course there are special occasions, of course sometimes you're going to splurge! But think before you have that treat. Don't think that it won't happen to you. A number of you knew me 25 years or more ago. Did you expect that athletic young girl to end up like this? I know I didn't. I can distinctly remember saying to someone back then, "I just can't imagine how any woman could get over 150 lbs! It's so easy not to!" Easy. Right. But it is easy...if you keep it under control all the time. From this end of the spectrum, not so easy. Please, guys, keep the image I just painted for you in your minds and don't end up like me. I'm going to do this if it kills me...because it will kill me if I don't.

Another Weigh-In

It's that time of the week again. Monday morning, time for the dreaded weigh-in. After last week's inexplicable gain, I was extremely nervous about this week's results. It wasn't a gain, thankfully. I lost 3 pounds. It's not much of a loss, but anything is better than gaining again! That makes a grand total of 10 pounds for my first month, which is rather disappointing. Certainly it's better than not having lost anything, but 2.5% of my body weight in a whole month isn't much progress. I know I'm doing something wrong, but I haven't the foggiest idea what it is. Anyway, my intake for the last two days...

Saturday
Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 3 pieces bacon - 1.55g
Lunch: None
Snack: Cheese stick, 1 oz almonds, hard-boiled egg - 3.56g
Dinner: 6 oz ham steak, 1 1/3 cup frozen green beans - 12g
Dessert: None
Total: 17.11g

Sunday
Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 3 pieces bacon - 1.55g
Lunch: Salad - 5.74g
Snack: None
Dinner: 6 oz ham steak, 1 cup frozen green beans - 10.5g
Dessert: 1/2 cup sugar-free Jell-O, 2 tbsp cream, whipped - .8g
Total: 18.59g

So I obviously didn't come within a mile of my goal for this month. The goal was to reach 375 lbs by today's weigh-in, and I'm currently at 387. Based on my personal history with Atkins, it was a reasonable goal, but this time around my weight is definitely not dropping as quickly or easily as it did before. I've decided to change the types of short-term goals I'm setting. My first two goals were based solely on pounds lost, and that's really not something that's directly in my control. All I can do is to stay on my diet and do my exercising, and the loss will be whatever my body determines it's going to be. Or not be...

I think that my goals need to be things that are under my direct control, like not cheating, exercising, meeting my carb total, and so on. There's certainly no reason that I can't celebrate milestone numbers of weight loss, but I'm not going to put them on a specific schedule any more, because they're simply not something that I can schedule. Therefore, this month's goal is going to be something completely different. My goal for October will be to walk twice a day, every single day. No getting out of it because I fell asleep, no getting out of it because it's raining, no getting out of it period. It's something that's completely in my control, definitely a goal that I can accomplish, but certainly not easy...especially when it's cold and raining, which it's likely to be. I'll continue to increase my time by a minute per week as well. This week is 7 minutes, and I've survived the first walk at the increased time already this morning!

Questions, Comments, and Topics

Hello all...not much to discuss today, it was a pretty average day yesterday. Got all my meals in except dessert, mainly because I didn't eat dinner until about 10 (cringe). I did do one good thing yesterday. I cleaned out the refrigerator ruthlessly. Anything and everything that's not allowed on my program and not vital to my husband's survival got tossed. The barbeque sauce and the ketchup, which he couldn't live without, made it through the purge. Jams and jellies, sweet-hot mustard, caramel sauce, sweetened cream cheese, and hot fudge are all history, however. It was a difficult process, not necessarily because I wanted to eat the items I was getting rid of, but because they were all "perfectly good". I'm a recovering packrat and throwing away/donating/otherwise getting rid of things that I don't need but that don't technically have anything wrong with them is still tough at times.

Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 3 slices bacon - 1.55g
Lunch: 2 oz deli ham, string cheese, boiled egg - 2.61g
Snack: 1 oz almonds - 2g
Dinner: Bacon, mushroom, and cheese omelette - 7.37g
Dessert: None
Total: 13.53g

So since I don't have anything in particular to discuss right now, I'd like to throw it open to you guys! Is there anything you'd like me to talk about that I haven't been addressing? Are there questions, comments, or topics you've been wondering about? I'd love to hear about them. Leave me a comment below, send me a Facebook email, text me, whatever. Be nice, but don't worry about offending me, it's pretty hard to do. If you ask something I don't want to talk about, I just won't talk about it!

To Err is Human...to Schedule is Divine

Pretty ordinary day yesterday, not great, not bad. I finally hard-boiled some eggs, which I've been meaning to do since I started the program. They'll be handy to have around for snacks and to dice for salads. I did both my walks, but I still didn't get my arm workouts done. Nothing new or exciting about my food intake, either.

Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 3 pieces bacon - 1.55g
Lunch: 4 oz deli ham, string cheese - 3.38g
Snack: 1 oz almonds - 2g
Dinner: 6 oz ham steak, 1 1/3 cups frozen green beans - 12g
Dessert: 1/2 cup sugar-free Jell-O, 2 tbsp cream, whipped - .8g
Total: 19.73g

As to my little reference to a well-known quote in the title of today's post, I'd like to talk a little bit about scheduling. You guys may have noticed that I've been doing quite a bit better lately as far as getting all of my meals eaten and doing my exercising. I certainly haven't been perfect, but I've been better than I was. Part of that is due to the Great Breakfast Experiment, part of it is due simply to becoming more used to the program...but most of it is due to the fact that I've scheduled specific times for each of these items, and I've set alarms for them on my phone. At 8:30, I'm reminded to start cooking breakfast, at 11:00 to do my first walk, at noon to eat lunch, and so on. I lose track of the time very easily...hell, a lot of the time I don't know what day it is! Most of the time, that little nudge is all it takes to get me to stay on track and do what I need to do when I need to do it.

I'm sure that this method wouldn't work for everybody, but most of you know that I love and thrive on scheduling, organization, and pattern. Spontaneity is a dirty word for me. Unfortunately, I've been so constantly exhausted for the last few years that it's been difficult or impossible for me to keep my own schedules...which of course adds to my stress and depression and makes me more exhausted and discouraged. It's a nasty spiral, and one that I'm hoping this program is going to help me to break out of. Breaking out of it should, in turn, help me in succeeding with my weight loss and adding to my motivation and energy levels, putting me on an upward spiral, rather than a downward one. And all because I set an alarm to remind me to make breakfast...

An Interesting Question

Another fairly blah day yesterday, still depressed, tired, and moody. Got both my exercise sessions in, though! I have been slacking on my arm workouts with my little 5-pound hand weight, though. Gotta get back into it, although for the present I'm classifying that as a "bonus" exercise rather than a daily requirement. I know that the exercising is at least as important a part of the whole program as the intake is, so I'm really trying to make sure it happens, unpleasant as it is right now. Plus, the exercise in and of itself will help me to get closer to a couple of my "Top 20," such as being able to participate in activities and making working out an enjoyable thing to do again.

Yesterday's intake was pretty average, although I did try a salad for lunch for the first time...it was a rather boring salad since I hadn't done much prep of low-carb condiments for it. I did add some ground flaxseed for the first time. I'm starting with 1 tbsp. per day, though they recommend two. I don't want my digestive system giving me any surprises!

Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 3 pieces bacon - 1.55g
Lunch: 3 oz salad, 1/2 oz chopped pepperoni, 2 tbsp Caesar dressing - 4g
Snack: 1 oz almonds - 2g
Dinner: 6 oz ham steak, 1 cup frozen green beans - 10.5g
Dessert: None
Total: 18.05g

An interesting question has been raised by a couple of different people. Is it possible that I'm actually not eating enough, and therefore putting my body into starvation mode and slowing or eliminating my weight loss? While I'm not officially counting calories, just carbs, my tracker app does automatically calculate my calories as well. I very rarely go over 1300 calories a day, and I'm under 1000 per day at least a third of the time. I don't feel hungry unless I get off schedule, and I'm generally full after each meal, but I'll be the first to admit I'm certainly not an expert in diet and metabolism. I'm not entirely sure how to increase my calorie intake without going over my carb limit or making myself over-full, though. Eating myself sick is definitely something I've had a real problem with in the past, and I want to break that habit once and for all. Suggestions and opinions?

Blah

Yesterday was a very blah day. I woke up exhausted, depressed, and irritable and it didn't improve much through the rest of the day. I actually fell asleep on the sofa for a couple of hours in the morning and missed my morning walk, which didn't make me very happy. I did do my afternoon session though, so I got my one required daily exercise period in. I also somehow miscounted my carbs at dinnertime and ended up going over my allowance. It was by less than one gram, so it's probably not the end of the world, but it was still rather irritating. Then again, everything was rather irritating yesterday, and seems to be shaping up for the same today.

Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 2 pieces bacon - 1.48g
Lunch: 4 oz deli ham, cheese stick - 3.38g
Snack: 1 oz almonds - 2g
Dinner: Chicken w/Red Wine Sauce, 1 1/3 cups frozen green beans - 12.97g
Dessert: 1/2 cup Sugar-free Jell-O, 2 tbsp cream, whipped - .8g
Total: 20.63g

Since my motivation has been low and my frustration level has been high lately, I thought today I'd share another tool that I've been using to keep myself focused and ride out the bad times. Several years ago, when I was on one of my many unsuccessful diets, I made a list entitled "Reasons I Hate Being Fat" as an attempt at motivating myself. Although that particular attempt wasn't successful, I still think the idea is a good one. Since that time, I've learned that, unnatural as it is for me, stating things in a positive manner works much better, so I went through the list, tightened it up, and restated each item as a positive. The result is a new list entitled "Top 20 Reasons to Lose Weight," and as you've no doubt noticed already, I've posted it at the side of the page so that I'll see it every day and learn to take it to heart. See you tomorrow!

Getting Through the Day

After yesterday morning's bad news on the scale, getting through the rest of the day was pretty much a matter of sheer stubbornness and crying on all available shoulders. Thank you very much to those of you who allowed me to vent my frustration and discouragement to you. You have no idea how much you help. Thank you also to those who left me comments or messages, I love getting that feedback and knowing that you're out there reading and cheering for me. The urge to eat something horrible was strong yesterday, but it was outmatched by the support I get from you guys and by my sheer, heel-digging, stubborn need to show this diet that it's not going to win. Yes, I'm completely aware that this is a totally illogical feeling, but hey, if it works...

Anyway, I stuck to the program, I did my walking - 6 minutes per session this week - and I used my new hand weight to do some arm work. Yesterday's intake:

Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 3 pieces bacon - 1.55g
Lunch: 4 oz deli ham, cheese stick - 3.38g
Snack: 1 oz almonds - 2g
Dinner: 6 oz ham steak, 2/3 cup frozen green beans - 9g
Dessert: 1/2 cup sugar-free Jell-O, 2 tbsp cream, whipped - .8g
Total: 16.73g

Yesterday was the first day that I've officially eaten all five of my planned meals! It was nice to have a little something sweet for dessert, and fabulous to have something other than a cheese stick available for my afternoon snack. I have nothing against cheese sticks, but having eaten two a day nearly every day for the last three weeks, I was getting a wee bit tired of them. Options are a good thing. If I get too bored, eating the same thing every single day, I'm a lot more likely to succumb to cravings. I really don't mind having the same breakfast every day, but lunch and dinner are a different story!

Arghh!!!

Welcome to the weigh-in day from hell. It's been a Murphy's Law morning so far, and the scale simply continued the trend. I gained a pound. Yes, you read that right. I gained a pound. I never went over on my carbs. I was under 1300 calories consumed every day, and under 1000 on four days. I exercised every day, and exercised twice on several days. And I gained a pound. Yes, I zeroed the scale before I got on it, and I was wearing the same type of clothing I have on every other weigh-in, and I weighed at the same time of day. No, I haven't exercised enough to build that much muscle mass yet. I am SO frustrated right now I could scream.

No, I'm not going to quit the program. Yet. For one thing, all of you would probably get together and come hang me up by my toenails, and I'd really rather avoid that. For another, I do know that there are sometimes weeks on a diet when you do everything right and don't lose any weight. Not losing is one thing, and gaining is quite another, but I'm going to stick to it and see if I can get past this. Not that it really matters at this point, but yesterday's intake was...

Breakfast: String cheese - .8g
Lunch: 4 oz deli ham, string cheese - 3.38g
Snack: Cheese stick - .8g
Dinner: Bacon, mushroom, and cheese omelette - 7.37g
Dessert: None
Total: 12.35g

I'm not exactly in the mood for a long post today, so we'll try this again tomorrow morning.

Panicking...

Morning all...well, as the title of today's post indicates, I'm panicking about tomorrow's weigh-in this morning. I hadn't really been thinking about it until this morning, and suddenly I realized it's tomorrow! Arghh! Anyway, I'll be spending today trying to hold myself together. So yesterday was a fairly average day, nothing particularly good or particularly bad. I got all my meals in, although dinner ended up being a little dicey, since I didn't realize until after I'd put it in that my bottle of olive oil had gone nasty. Yuck!

Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 3 pieces bacon - 1.55g
Lunch: 1 oz sliced pepperoni, cheese stick - .8g
Snack: Cheese stick - .8g
Dinner: Chicken Paprikash, 1 1/3 cups frozen green beans - 16.52g
Dessert: None
Total: 19.67g

I only exercised once yesterday, which was a bit of a bummer. That's really all I'm requiring myself to do, but I'd done so well doing it twice a day for several days in a row that forgetting my second session made me mad at myself. I did get a little 5 lb. hand weight to use for a different type of exercise though! I'm going to use it a few times a day when I'm reading or watching TV to do some sets of curls, tricep extensions, etc. Not only will that burn a few extra calories, it will help build a little muscle mass, which in itself burns more calories. It's a win-win.

Late Dinner Again...Not So Good

Most of yesterday went pretty well and on schedule...Chad was very late getting home though, so I didn't end up getting dinner until two hours late. My system doesn't like that at all anymore, it's gotten accustomed to eating on a schedule and deviations are not tolerated well! From now on, come hell or high water, I'm eating on time. I continued the Great Breakfast Experiment, since it went so well yesterday, and managed to eat all of my meals. Well, except dessert, which I didn't need anyway since I ate dinner so late. I do have some sugar-free Jell-O now, so I'll make up a package of that and have it available for desserts. I know I mentioned in a previous post that one of my compromises with dinner recipes was going to be to increase the amount of meat while keeping the carb-containing sauces to an official "portion". Well, I did that last night, and Chad ended up eating half my dinner because I was too full to finish it. Seems like good progress on my part towards becoming used to smaller meals! I went ahead and included the full portion of carbs in my day's tally, because I'm not quite sure exactly how much I ate, and I'd rather overestimate than underestimate.

Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 3 slices bacon -1.55g
Lunch: 4 oz deli ham, cheese stick - 3.38g
Snack: Cheese stick - .8g
Dinner: Creamy Chicken w/Mushrooms, 1 1/3 cup green beans - 11.39g
Dessert: None
Total: 17.12g

Thanks to Barry for bringing up a good point about fiber yesterday! I hadn't really thought about fiber very much, except knowing that I don't have to count fiber carbs in my total. Apparently, however, fiber has a number of benefits for weight loss as well as general health. It helps you to feel full faster, sustains the feeling of fullness for a longer time, and also prevents the absorption of some of the calories you eat. I'm definitely going to be adding some fiber to my diet, probably in the form of ground flaxseed and almonds. The vegetables that I'm already eating, such as green beans, broccoli, mushrooms, and peas, are all fairly high in fiber, as is sauerkraut, to my surprise. Sauerkraut and sausage, anyone?

The Great Breakfast Experiment

So yesterday was the day of the Great Breakfast Experiment. I cut my breakfast by half to see if it would help me to be hungry for lunch, and it helped! I didn't really feel quite full after breakfast, but it wasn't intolerable, and I wasn't horribly hungry at lunchtime or snacktime, but I was able to eat both. I cooked and ate dinner at a reasonable time, and I was definitely in a better mood in the evening. I think I even had more energy, judging by the fact that I exercised not once, but twice yesterday! I was pretty hungry in the evening, though, so I definitely need to get some sugar-free Jello and have it available for desserts. Yesterday's meals:

Breakfast: 1 egg, scrambled, 3 pieces bacon - 1.55g
Lunch: 1/4 lb deli ham, string cheese - 3.38g
Snack: String cheese - .8g
Dinner: Chicken with Red Wine Sauce, 5 oz broccoli - 12.68g
Dessert: None
Total: 18.41g

I've made a couple of changes to the layout of the blog, as well. As you've probably noticed, I added a pair of text boxes to the right-hand column, one for goals and the other for the song of the day. I thought it would be a fun and easy way to keep track of them.

I haven't talked much about goals in the blog so far, so I'll go into that a little bit today. Of course, my long-term goal and the reason for changing my eating habits in the first place is to lose a bit over half my body weight and reach my eventual goal of 175 lbs. I know that according to the "standards" I should weigh around 130 lbs, but I also know that to expect to weigh less than I did in high school when I'm now pushing 40 is ridiculously unreasonable. I looked great (although I certainly didn't believe it at the time) when I was 17 and 150 lbs.

Me at 150 lbs, 1989

Anyway, I think 175 is quite a reasonable, reachable, and maintainable long-term goal. Based on my friend Jocelyn's recommendation and some of the research I've done, however, it's important to also have short-term, achievable but not easy goals. I've decided to make my short-term goals on a monthly basis. If and when I reach my goal, I will earn a predetermined, non-food-related reward. My initial monthly goal was to get under 400 lbs by the end of September, based on my estimated pre-diet weight of 415 lbs. When I proved on my first weigh-in to be 397 lbs, that goal was accomplished without even doing anything, so I set another one for September.

My goal is now to weigh 375 or less by the end of this month. Because I weigh in only on Mondays, "the end of this month" actually ends up being October 4, but since it's really an arbitrary date anyway, it's not all that important. After my 8 lbs lost so far, I'm at 389, so I have two weeks left to lose another 14 lbs. Based on my numbers so far, I'm fairly concerned that I won't be able to lose the 7 lbs. per week necessary to reach my current goal. The goals are simply something to work toward in order to earn a reward, however, so if I don't reach it, this month's reward will simply become next month's reward if I reach the new goal I'll set for October. I hope I reach it this month though, because I've decided my reward will be to spend my birthday money on a new tattoo!

I Exercised Again!

Well, nothing special to report for yesterday, except that I did go outside and exercise again. That's two days in a row, which is a record for me in this period of my life. Sometimes as I'm struggling back and forth for those five long minutes I think about the girl who ran several miles every day and wonder if that was really me...

Anyway, I got through it. I tried a slightly different timekeeping method yesterday and it worked well - since I've always been very connected to music and have frequently used it to change my mood, I chose a song from my music library that's exactly five minutes long, downloaded it to my phone, and used it as my timer. The speaker on my phone isn't all that loud, so it sort of faded in and out as I walked back and forth, but it was still much better than just setting a timer and walking back and forth in silence, wondering how long I had left. The music not only gave me something to distract me and helped me keep my pace up, it also helped me know approximately how much longer I had to go. Maybe I'll try to choose a different song every day and tell you all what I exercised to, that might be fun. Yesterday's song was Head Like a Hole by NIN.

Yesterday's intake...

Breakfast: 2 eggs, scrambled, 5 pieces bacon - 3.25g
Lunch: None
Snack: String cheese - .8g
Dinner: 9 oz ham steak, 1 1/3 cup frozen green beans - 15g
Dessert: None
Total: 19.05g

Today is the day of the Great Breakfast Experiment. I ate half my usual breakfast this morning, so we'll see how it goes! Full report tomorrow.

Lunch...What Do I Do About Lunch?

Ok, so I missed yesterday. I realized I missed yesterday at about 10:30 last night, by which point it was a little late to write. Bad Kitty! Monday was a pretty average day though, other than frustration about the weigh-in and feeling like utter crap in the morning (by the way, I think I've nailed that down to a reaction to missing my medication on Sunday). Yesterday was also pretty average, including having an issue that's become fairly common over the last couple of weeks. I'm not eating lunch. Why am I not eating lunch? Because I'm not hungry at lunchtime. At first I thought it was just a result of learning to change my eating schedule...really, learning to create an eating schedule, since I really didn't have one before I started the program. I ate when I felt like eating...not necessarily when I felt hungry, because I ate at times I wasn't hungry, and didn't eat at times I was...but when I felt like it.

Now I'm trying to eat on a reasonable schedule, and to eat multiple smaller meals rather than a couple of large ones to keep my stomach happy and my blood sugar stable. My schedule is intended to be breakfast around 8:30, lunch at noon, snack around 3, dinner about 6, and possibly a dessert at 9 or so. Basically, I'm supposed to eat every three hours. From the reading I've done and the advice I've gotten from you guys, that's a good way to do it. The problem? I'm just not hungry at noon. I'm frequently not hungry, even after skipping lunch, at 3 for my snack. Then, of course, by dinnertime my blood sugar is low, I'm starving and crabby, and I have no energy and no desire to cook. I'm certainly not stuffing myself at breakfast, although I'm not hungry when I'm done either. Breakfast is almost always the same, scrambled eggs and either bacon or sausage. It's mostly been bacon lately, because it's lower in carbs than sausage. I'm wondering if maybe I should cut my breakfast back somewhat, even though I don't feel overfull after eating it, in order to hopefully feel hungrier at lunchtime. I don't want to leave myself feeling hungry, but I've got to get into a good eating routine. The more I have to think about what and when I'm eating, the more likely I am to start thinking about the foods that I can't have, and I most definitely think about and crave those foods when it's 8 at night and I haven't eaten for almost 12 hours. Anyway, unless I hear otherwise from you, my faithful readers, I'm going to try a little experiment tomorrow and have one scrambled egg instead of two, and three pieces of bacon instead of five. We'll see how that goes. For now, intake from the last two days...

Monday
Breakfast: 2 eggs, scrambled, 5 pieces bacon - 3.25g
Lunch: 4 oz deli ham, string cheese - 2.58g
Snack: None
Dinner: Bacon, mushroom, and cheese omelette - 7.37g
Dessert: None
Total: 13.2g

Tuesday
Breakfast: 2 eggs, scrambled, 5 pieces bacon - 3.25g
Lunch: None
Snack: None
Dinner: 9 oz ham steak, 1 1/3 cup frozen green beans - 15g
Dessert: None
Total: 18.25g

I also have a good thing to report from yesterday! I actually went out and exercised! If you'd asked me while I was in the middle of it whether it was a good thing or not, I probably would have said something rude, being in agony at the time. However, I do know it's necessary and I'm going to do it again today. I can't do much yet, but I set a timer for 5 minutes and just walked back and forth in the yard...I know it probably doesn't sound like much to most of you, but I was out of breath, shaky-legged, and definitely had my heart rate up by the time I was done. For now, I'm going to stay in my own yard, because I'm terrified of trying to go for a walk down the block and running out of energy and not being able to get home. It was a bit depressing when I entered my exercise in my diet tracker app and discovered I only burned 31 calories, though. Oh well, at least I did something, I guess.

The Two-Week Weigh-In

Hey guys...sorry about the lack of posts the last few days, it's not been a good week for me. Not in a going-off-my-diet kind of way, although I was very tempted a few times, but in my mental/emotional condition. It was apparently time for me to have one of my really severe, debilitating depressive episodes, and there's not a whole lot I can do when that happens. I think it may be over now, because although I was sick as a dog when I got up this morning, I'm feeling better now and I think my mood is up. Sick or not, I did force myself to go in and weigh this morning, and I lost another measly 4 lbs. I really don't understand it, because instead of eating constantly as I usually do when I'm having one of my bad times, there were several days when I ate very, very little. I was certainly well under my daily carb limits every day...so very frustrating. I'm not going to give up, because not only am I determined to actually stick to a diet this time, I also think that all of you would rise up in a mass and murder me. So the intake for the days I didn't make a blog entry was as follows...

Thursday
Breakfast: 2 eggs, scrambled, 5 slices bacon - 3.25g
Lunch: String cheese - .8g
Snack: None
Dinner: 7.5 oz ham steak, 1/2 cup peas - 14.37g
Dessert: None
Total: 18.42g

Friday
Breakfast: 2 eggs, scrambled, 5 slices bacon - 3.25g
Lunch: String cheese - .8g
Snack: None
Dinner: Bacon & cheese omelette - 5.2g
Dessert: None
Total: 9.17g

Saturday
Breakfast: 2 eggs, scrambled, 5 slices bacon - 3.25g
Lunch: None
Snack: 1 oz pepperoni slices - 0g
Dinner: 8 oz ham steak, 1/2 cup peas - 14.88g
Dessert: None
Total: 18.13g

Sunday
Breakfast: None
Lunch: 4 oz deli ham, string cheese - 2.58g
Snack: None
Dinner: Bacon, mushroom, and cheese omelette - 7.37g
Dessert: None
Total: 9.95g

Based on those numbers, I really don't get the low weight-loss. I know some of you are going to say that 4 lbs is a good amount, but please remember at my weight that's only 1% of my body weight. Even if I go by calorie counting instead of carb counting, my highest day last week was 1288 calories, and three days I was well under 1000. SO frustrating! I've had a couple of friends prodding me about exercise, so I guess that unappealing and exhausting as it sounds, I'm going to try to do some exercise every day this week and see what happens. Please, anybody who has any other suggestions or any ideas as to why I'm having so much trouble, let me know! Any and all constructive suggestions are welcome, and I've already gotten a lot of good advice from several of you. Thanks, guys!

Just Another Day

Well, yesterday was just another day...nothing special to report. I was still really depressed, I hope this increased dosage of my medication kicks in soon. I did manage to withstand the urge to jump headfirst off my diet, but I wasn't able to make myself eat anything that was actually on it until Chad finally nagged me into making some bacon and eggs about 9:30 last night. Not exactly the highest nutrient day I've ever had, but at least I didn't go carb-crazy! I'm hoping today will be better, I feel a little better this morning than I have the last few days...maybe I'll even muster up the energy and motivation to do something about the mess in the house, which is driving me nuts.

Breakfast: 2 eggs, scrambled, 1/2 lb sausage - 6.68g
Lunch: None
Snack: None
Dinner: 2 eggs, scrambled, 5 slices bacon - 3.11g
Dessert: None
Total: 9.79g

So nothing much to talk about today, it's a short post...I'll try to do better tomorrow!

Well, There's Always Tomorrow

So the birthday is over, and it's on to 38. Yesterday was a really crappy day. I'm not entirely sure why...it's so frustrating to be feeling so bad and not even know the reason. Part of it may be residual disappointment with my first week's loss, no matter how unfounded the disappointment may be; I think another part was that a birthday with no presents, no special dinner, no going out, and no cake isn't really much of a birthday. That really doesn't account for how bad I was feeling, though. I don't know.

Anyway, I did manage to stay on my program, but really only by accident and the fact that if I'd tried to send Chad out for non-allowed food he wouldn't have gone anyway. Even once we finally had dinner, it ended up being very frustrating, because although I'd eaten nothing but breakfast and a cheese stick, I ended up having to cut my portion of ham down by a third in order to be able to have more than 1/4 cup of vegetables. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong...if I'd eaten lunch, which isn't really optional no matter how many times I've skipped it, I'd have ended up with practically no dinner.

Breakfast: 2 eggs, scrambled, 1/2 lb sausage - 6.68g
Lunch: None
Snack: String cheese - .8g
Dinner: 5.25 oz ham steak, 1/2 cup peas - 12.12g
Dessert: None
Total: 19.8g

On a happier note, I'm really loving my new FatSecret app and website. Much, much nicer than what I was using before. Hopefully today will be better than yesterday...

Happy Birthday to Me!

Welcome to the birthday edition of A Fat Lot of Help! I really appreciate all your encouraging comments about my 4-pound loss. It still seems like an awfully small first-week number to me, only a 1% loss when I'm aiming to lose about 56% of my body weight, but I've been overruled by the majority who say it's a good number, so thank you.

A special thanks to Barry this morning! He sent me an email yesterday with some great tips from his own experience, and one of them was a recommendation for a different carb-counting app. It's called the FatSecret Calorie Counter, and it's free, which is always my favorite price. It hooks up with fatsecret.com, and I can enter my intake either on the computer or in my phone and they sync up with each other. That's a feature I particularly wanted, and one that the LoseIt! app I tried also had, but FatSecret, although it's technically calorie-focused rather than carb-focused, does a much better job of carb tracking and display than LoseIt! did. When I went back and entered my meals for the last week as a test of the app and website, I also discovered that my misgivings about the food database in the tracker I had been using previously were well-founded. Many of the numbers were off, some of them by quite a lot, which ended up putting me over my carb limit by as much as 25% on a couple of days. I'm not sure how much that altered the amount of weight I lost, but it has to have affected it at least a little. Anyway, it's going to be FatSecret from this point forward, as it also allows me the option to track my exercise (haha) and there seems to be a huge amount of information and tools freely available on the website, which I haven't had the chance to fully explore yet.

So, yesterday's intake, counted with my new app...

Breakfast: 2 eggs, scrambled, 1/2 lb sausage - 6.68g
Lunch: None
Snack: Cheese stick - .8g
Dinner: 7.5 oz ham steak, 1/3 cup peas - 12.01
Dessert: None
Total: 19.49

I did manage to get out of the birthday dinner thing, so I don't have to worry about that pitfall for a while yet. Also, much as I hate to, I'm going to have to start thinking about doing some exercise. I did do a little one day last week, but one day just isn't going to cut it. Sigh. I know a few of you remember the girl that ran several miles and lifted weights for an hour or more every day in high school...I wonder what ever happened to that girl? Surely she couldn't have become the fat lump sitting at this keyboard? Anyway, on to the rest of my birthday....

The Dreaded Weigh-In

Well, this morning was my weigh-in for the first week. I was very nervous about it, and terrified that I hadn't lost any weight. That's the biggest hurdle in weight-loss for me - keeping my motivation up when my progress seems to go at a snail's pace. When the numbers are small or worse yet, when I hit a plateau, I tend to give up because I think, "What's the point? It's not working anyway!" So my stomach was churning when I stepped onto the scale. I did lose some weight, but I have to confess to being rather disappointed with the number. I've only lost 4 pounds so far. It is at least a loss, but an awfully small one. I think when I was on this program the first time I lost something like 10 pounds the first week, and I weighed 100 pounds less then than I do now. So I'm a bit discouraged this morning, but I'm going to keep on plugging away at it. Maybe this week I'll do better.

So yesterday was a pretty average day for the diet so far. No raging hunger, but no skipping meals either. I started the day a little bit late, but not too bad, and kept my eating on schedule. I was actually quite full after dinner last night, which was nice. The first few days I'd eat a meal and then look around for the rest of it since my stomach was still growling! Hopefully it's started to shrink down and get used to several smaller meals rather than a few large ones. My energy levels still haven't started rising though. I'd really like to get to that part of it soon!

Breakfast: 2 eggs, scrambled, 1/2 lb sausage - 2.7g
Lunch: 1/4 lb deli ham w/mustard, cheese stick - 1.3g
Snack: None
Dinner: 1/2 lb ham steak, 2/3 cup peas - 15.4g
Dessert: None
Total: 19.3g

This week will be interesting in another way as well...my doctor raised the dosage on my Effexor from 150mg to 225mg per day. We'll see if that helps with the mental/emotional side of this whole diet process, or if I even notice any difference. I'm so bad at evaluating my own mental state! I also have to think of a reason to give my mother for not having a birthday dinner tomorrow - I'm not telling anybody in my family I'm doing this so they don't nag at me constantly about it, and there's no way I can eat out without screwing up my plan at this point. My body and my brain are still thinking about carbs, and one carb-loaded restaurant meal and I'm back to square one. I am not willing to do that to myself, it was hard enough getting through the first week as it was! See you all tomorrow...

So Yesterday Didn't Go So Well...

First of all, no, I didn't go over on my carbs. Quite the opposite, in fact. Yesterday was an extreme reinforcement of the whole "eat on time" concept, however. Sleep in, have breakfast late, and screw up the rest of the day. I ate 3.5g of carbs yesterday. Yes, you read that right. I ate breakfast and a cheese stick mid-afternoon. That's it. BAD IDEA. I know it's not good for me, but frankly, I'm not really feeling any effects from it. I wasn't hungry when I went to bed last night, and I wasn't exceptionally hungry when I got up. I was definitely interested in breakfast, but certainly not ravenous. Before you all start leaving me nasty comments, I didn't plan to do that, and I don't plan on doing it again. I just wasn't hungry!

Breakfast: 2 eggs, scrambled, 1/2 lb sausage - 2.7g
Lunch: None
Snack: Cheese stick - .8g
Dinner: None
Dessert: None
Total: 3.5g

I'm very nervous about what I'm going to find out in my one-week weigh-in tomorrow morning. I really, really hope that I've lost weight, or it's going to be very hard to make myself stick to the plan for another week. I certainly should have lost weight, I've really stuck to the program all week, but my body doesn't like to give up the pounds very much. I guess we'll see in the morning...

Eating Late is a Bad Idea!

Another discovery yesterday, not that it's really a major revelation: Sticking to my schedule is a good idea, eating late is a bad one. Don't worry, I still managed to stick to the program, but it was definitely more difficult. I slept badly the night before and woke up late, cranky, and tired. As a result, my motivation was low and every meal I ate yesterday was late. I was hungrier, the call of unhealthy, high-carb food was higher, and I was in a generally bad mood all day, and I think it was because I wasn't eating when my body has come to expect me to. Additionally, dinner was especially late because Chad's plans were up in the air and I didn't know if I was cooking for just myself or both of us.

It seems odd to think of dinner as being "especially late" when it was only about 7 when I finally ate. For my normal eating habits, that's actually fairly early for dinnertime, but all week I've been wanting and eating dinner by 6 or even a quarter 'til. When you add that hour or more extra to the fact that I didn't eat a snack yesterday, I was starving by the time I ate. Bad idea! So of course, since today is Saturday I slept in and ate really late again. Smart, Erin. Very smart.

Anyway, on to yesterday's intake!

Breakfast: 2 eggs, scrambled, 1/2 lb sausage - 2.7g
Lunch: 1/4 lb deli ham w/mustard, cheese stick - 1.3g
Snack: None
Dinner: 1/2 lb ham steak, 2/3 cup peas - 15.4g
Dessert: None
Total: 19.3g

Short entry today...see you tomorrow!

Lazy Night

Good discovery last night! I've found my official lazy night dinner for those evenings when I just don't want to cook. Ham steak and vegetables are perfect. Yesterday was an interesting day. I had good conversations with a couple of you about my diet, which was great. I like getting that kind of feedback, it helps to know that people are paying attention! The biggest question that's come up so far is regarding my fruit and vegetable intake, or lack thereof.

I am planning to increase the amount of these items that I'm eating, as I get more accustomed to being on the low-carb program and more comfortable with the relative numbers of carbs in different items. As far as fruits, there are very few that I'm going to be able to work into my diet. Most fruits are high in carb content, although the carbs that they contain are the complex type and certainly more nutritious than simple carbs like flour and sugar. It looks like certain types of berries might be my best bet, particularly raspberries, blackberries, and cranberries.

For vegetables, the options are a little more widespread. I've been including a vegetable in my dinner each day, although canned green beans are certainly not my ideal in terms of either taste or nutrition. They do, however, have the advantage of being cheap, easy, and always in the pantry. Fresh steamed or sauteed veggies like zucchini, green beans, peas, carrots, mushrooms, and broccoli to go along with dinner would be best, I think. I'm also planning to look into salads and tomatoes at lunchtime. I've got to be careful with salads, since salad dressings are fairly high in carbs and I tend to drown my salads in dressing. I need to look into which of the types of dressings I like are lowest in carbs, since I'm really not a particular fan of vinaigrettes. More on the fruits and veggies issue in posts to come as I learn more! And now on to yesterday's meals...

Breakfast: 2 eggs, scrambled, 1/2 lb bacon - 3.4g
Lunch: 1/4 lb deli ham w/mustard to dip, cheese stick - 1.3g
Snack: Cheese stick - .8g
Dinner: Ham steak, peas - 13.2g
Dessert: None
Total: 18.7g

If you've noticed that I ate the same lunch yesterday as I did the day before and came up with a completely different carb number, you're right. The food database in the carb counter app I'm using is very confusing and I think I managed to enter about four times as much ham as I actually ate on the previous day.

I want to tell you all about something I'm pretty proud of. I said at the beginning of the post that yesterday was interesting. Part of that interesting wasn't so good. I had a conversation with a friend yesterday evening after dinner that upset me rather a lot. Turns out this morning that most of it was misunderstanding and miscommunication, but I didn't know that at the time and I was unhappy. And I DIDN'T EAT ANYTHING! *pause for applause* Normally my immediate reaction to being upset and hurt would be to head for the cupboard or the fridge, and I sure had the urge last night, but I didn't give in to it. This was the first real test other than just general hunger and my normal chronic depression, and I passed. It probably doesn't sound like a big deal to most of you, but the emotional eaters out there know exactly what I'm talking about. Go me!

I Ate Lunch!

I finally both remembered to eat lunch and had food in the house to eat. Felt much better in the afternoon as a result! I'm really touched by the response I got to posting my blog on Facebook, you guys made me cry with all the support. I didn't think that many people would read it and be cheering me on! It gave me a big boost to my motivation, thank you all.

I felt a little less like I'd been run over by a truck yesterday, but still very tired. No headache, though, which was a definite improvement over Monday and Tuesday. I spent part of yesterday poking around looking at different carb and diet tracker apps and even tried one called Lose It! out, but it didn't quite do what I needed it to do. It's too bad, because I liked some things about it a lot better than the one I'm currently using. I definitely stayed within my carbs though, no matter which tracker I used!

Breakfast: 2 eggs, scrambled, 1/2 lb. sausage - 2.7g
Lunch: 1/4 lb deli ham w/mustard to dip, cheese stick - 4.8g
Snack: Cheese stick - .8g
Dinner: Chicken with Indian Spices, 1/2 cup canned green beans - 9.5g
Dessert: None
Total: 17.7g

In yesterday's post, I talked about how nervous I was about switching to the "single serving" of my dinner items. I did that last night, and it was pretty successful! Well...I kind of did it. It occurred to me that all the carbs are in the sauces, vegetables, and so on in the recipes, not in the main ingredient. So what I did was use two portions of meat (in this case boneless, skinless chicken breast) and a single portion of sauce. I think this is going to be a good compromise, at least for a while until I get used to the program. It doesn't add any carbs at all, and when I'm using lean meat like chicken breast, very little in the way of fat and calories. On to today!

Hanging in There

Well, I got through Day 2 and it's on to Day 3. Although I really felt crappy yesterday as my body attempts to deal with the shock of starting this program and switch from a carb-based metabolism to a fat-based one, the great news about my starting weight helped keep my mood up a little bit. I was still more depressed than usual, very lethargic, headachy, and cranky though. I'm really hoping this part passes off quickly.

Once again, I missed lunch yesterday. I've got to stop doing that. I was hungry at lunchtime, but I was really trying to get some housework done and I didn't want to weigh myself down with food when I was already running on dregs of energy. I've got to try to remember that eating on a low-carb program doesn't make me feel heavy and sick afterward like eating normal food does. By the time I decided I'd done as much as I was going to do, it was too close to dinnertime to be eating lunch. So yesterday's intake was...

Breakfast: 2 eggs, scrambled; 1/2 lb. sausage - 2.7g
Lunch: None
Snack: None
Dinner: Creamed Chicken with Mushrooms; 1/2 cup canned green beans - 16.3g
Dessert: None
Total: 19g

So I managed to stay within my 20g, but that was without lunch. I've got to eat during the day, so I'm going to have to change how I'm doing dinner. The recipes I've had the last two days have both been out of one of my Atkins cookbooks, but they've been "double" portions. Their idea of a portion leaves a lot to be desired, in my opinion, since I'm still hungry after eating two! But if I'm going to stay within my designated number of carbs, their portions is what it will have to be from now on. The thought of how hungry I'm going to be is really scary. That must have been how I ate when I was on this program before, though, since I distinctly remember being able to eat lunch. It's been six years so the details are a little fuzzy, but I would remember going without lunch every day. We'll see how it goes today!

...And We're Off!

Great news to start the post today! I dragged my ass down to the doctor's office to do my starting weigh-in , and found out that I'm actually 18 pounds lighter than I'd been estimating. I'd been guessing I was about 415, based on my last doctor's appointment in the spring when I weighed in at 410. But my starting weight is actually only 397! It's like I lost 18 pounds in a day...or at least that's how I'm going to think of it.

I've already accomplished my first goal, which was to get under 400 pounds by the end of September. New end-of-September goal: 375 pounds. That one should be a little more difficult. I've got about two and a half weeks to lose 22 pounds. I think it should be do-able.

So yesterday's intake was a little strange because there wasn't much low-carb food in the house until mid-afternoon after Chad went shopping, but I managed to stick with the program even though I was starving!

Breakfast: 2 eggs, scrambled; 5 pieces of bacon - 3.3g
Lunch: None (no food)
Snack: String cheese - .8g
Dinner: Chicken with red wine sauce; sauteed zuccchini - 16g
Dessert: None
Total: 20.1g

I ended up going over goal by .1g, but I think that's probably tolerable, particularly since it was the first day and my eating schedule was completely screwy. I got a carb-tracking app for my iPhone last night, so that should help some. There are a few things I don't like about it, so we'll see if I stick with this one or try out another app.

I'm proud of myself for managing to not go crazy and eat yesterday when I was so hungry, particularly since I didn't get any lunch. I was pretty crabby by the end of the day, though, and hungry even as I was finishing my dinner. We'll see how it goes today!

The First Day

So. Welcome to my lame attempt at a weight-loss blog...

First, a word about the title. I'm depending on you, my faithful (I hope) readers, to help me get through this and be successful. My tries at weight loss have never been terribly successful before, and I think that a large part of that has been lack of support. Hence, the blog. I'm hoping that my friends will be "a fat lot of help" for me in this process.

Today is the first day of my diet. I'll be posting my daily food choices and carb counts in an attempt to keep myself accountable and on track. I'll also be posting my weekly weigh-ins on Mondays, and probably some progressive pictures as well. Unfortunately, I seem to have decided to start my program on a holiday, so I can't go to the doctor's scales and get my starting weight today. I'll have to go do it tomorrow morning. In addition, I'll be writing about how I'm coping with my new lifestyle, how I'm feeling, and how I'm doing emotionally.

I've chosen the low-carb approach because it's the only thing that's really worked at all for me in the past. My carb goal will be 15-20 grams per day. I'm also going to be trying as best I can to eat more natural and less over-processed and artificial foods.

I think the best way to go about the blogging portion of this is to do an entry in the morning about the previous day. If I try to do it before bed it's likely to be completely unintelligible.

I'll be back with a report on the first day tomorrow morning!